going to school

i start an intro to pychology class at owens community college in a week. i'm not nervous at all, but looking forward to my fall schedule at BGSU has me apprehensive. i need to become a better writer and i hate practicing :)

working

I'm working a lot right now and I miss blogging, but I don't want to get on here everyday and complain about how much i really don't want to do anything. woe is me. but wait dear bloggers, i think i have a solution and you shall see it's fruits soon. mwahahahaha

hair grows

I have recently been pulled back from the clutches of the underworld by a single star on a blog who has inspired me to write. sometimes the tortures of the devil are just too much to relive in words but here goes.... I am still in napoleon.... I still live with my dad and grandma... I still work at a resturant and bar.... and i still have no idea what i want to study in college or where i am going to go. I do have a better understanding of myself and my roots and a lot more money, but i think my brain and soul are slowly dying. The pressures of this town and my family (the mindset that things are concrete... can be right or wrong.) to figure all of this stuff about myself and my future out are overwhelming and impossible for my personality to do. I am spontanous and things always fall into my path, and now i'm swimming hard against the current.
definitely can't talk about
1. how i wonder if i'm gay
2. drugs
3. books
4. anything having to do with technology beyond a cell phone.
5. RELIGION especially christianity or catholicism, which is what they supposively are.
6. feelings, especially anger or dissatisfaction
7. myself
8. Anything considered "smart"

So, there is a new flaming lips album out "At war with the Mystics", i've listened to it 3 times now and it grows on me more and more. at first sound, it's more beat driven and eclectic sounding then yoshimi battles the pink robots and it's their first new album in 4 years and it's really really fun, so check it out.
I like to listen to the flaming lips song from the batman forever soundtrack called "bad days" when i'm driving in my shitty car.
You're sorta stuck where you are
But in your dreams you can buy expensive cars
Or live on Mars
And have it your way
And you hate your boss at your job
Well, in your dreams you can blow his head off
In your dreams
Show no mercy
And all your bad days will end
And all your bad days will end
You have to sleep late when you can
And all your bad days will end

Whelp i'm off to work again.
-heidi
p.s. if anyone reads this, thanks for still looking. i'm sorry i quit writing if it dissapointed whoever you are.

just thinking

i'm here thinking about scotland, and wishing i would get those pictures developed. And about how i'm going to massachusetts this weekend to visit a college and what a mess that has been. family drama, but it doesn't matter because i took time off work and i have it all planned out and i'm going and it will be so beautiful. the drive, the leaves, the quaint towns and rolling hills of the east coast and the school of course! i am working my ass off here, getting totally immersed in my job and my friends and reading. i try to write, i really try hard, but i seem to only be able to plot. way too much caffine. i like to ride my bike to work, and all my customers and how old the family resturant/bar i work at, the downtown streets, and my bedroom. i have finally got a real life going for a while in one place. it's boring but i'm pretty settled in for what could be a long winter. oh yeah, but i got my temp's, i'll be learning to drive, so watch out, i have a record :)

sorry i left up that awful post, this one is better...

hello again. greetings from napoleon Ohio, a not so great town in a very flat place.
This is my first night off from working nights at marco's pizza in forever, but i don't have anything to do except call people and read blogs. i work days at subway so i'm really tired all the time. i don't have the mind capacity to work on my story after a long day at only one job, so i'm just chilling, all alone at home of course. and drinking, because what else do you do when your all alone at home.
i have made one friend here in napoleon, but i don't actually like her much. she talks about all the f'ing sluts she wants to beat up all the time, and she lives with her boyfriend and talks about him constantly, and he's called squeak, because when he was a baby he squeaked instead of cried. me and my friend have nothing in common except we work at subway. i think i may visit her anyway, because she does talk a lot and she's at least a human bean.
i am working so hard so i can get myself a good education. i am so bored with traveling and working and i want to take out a bazillion loans and not have to work, but instead go to school and read books and listen to teachers and do homework. i want to go to school at Hampshire College, in Massachusetts, they don't have grades or majors. instead you get to take classes and develop your own independant studies. you have to do 3 semester projects and then one major project. They can be science projects, or writing books or making movies, or anything i want. it's so cool! but it costs A LOT.
so i'm working on one damn good short story to impress them so they will let me in for cheap. it's about a man named Frank, who lives by himself in a basement apartment that has leaked really bad for so long that there are mold/plants/vines, growing all over his walls and ceiling. but Frank doesn't care, he just sits there in his chair, assembling light-switch-cover-hardware into little baggies and listens to the water dripping from leaf.. to leaf.. to leaf and thinking bitter thoughts about lots of stuff, and a little bit bitterly about pentecostal christians. And then all of a sudden something happens and the leak gets fixed and all the plants die and start falling off the ceiling and hitting him on the head. and then frank notices, and he hears stuff and he starts to wonder whats in the apartment above him that made all this stuff die and totally messed everything up for him..... and then he gets redeemed because i like happy endings.
If anyone steals my story, i'll kill you, because i cannot work at subway much longer!

i lost myself again

Another sad day, I can’t remember when they started really. I lost my voice while writing today. I can’t think or feel anymore. Micah moved to north carolina, i haven't seen him in 10 days. Our relationship has followed a familiar pattern, instant attraction and passionate love, two lives become one, and then time goes on and we hit a brick wall. There’s nothing ahead but marriage and commitment or the end. It’s the end of course and no fighting this time, just amiable friendly killing separation by many states. I wish i could at least write or get the job at the video store i applied too. I'm living in napoleon now with my dad. new town and i have nothing to do and no one to know. last night i went bicycling and dumpster diving. It felt so good to get out and I found a carton of orange juice and a whole bunch of tobacco. It sounds weird but it was so satisfying to be digging through trash again. I just returned from a week of vacationing with my family on an island off south carolina; eating expensive meals, golfing and laying on the beach all the time. to indulgent and removed for my taste. anyway enough rambling, i am tired in the soul but still here just so you know.

i'm back i'm back i'm back!

i ave officially been back now for 3 days. i would like to say, "i would like to see everyone and i'm so pumped" but i am afraid i am trying so hard to remain invisable to people in this town that i have succeded, mwahahahah. well except for shannon and eric barton (but only for special circumstances) i am looking forward to many days of a single and solitary existance that revolves around cats and writing! i am a rock.